Sunday, 6/25/2023

It is not for nothing that the word “individual” is unused in the Bible, in the Liturgy, and in the writings of the holy fathers. Instead, the word “person” is used, and from our standpoint as Orthodox Christians there is a world of difference between an “individual” and a “person.” (Though our society uses these two terms interchangeably.) On the one hand, and more precisely, an individual is someone who can only arrive at a sense of self by adopting a posture of resistance towards others. This posture of resistance means that an “individual” must always be opposing what others are saying about who they are, and most especially, individuals will need to be fighting off the many labels that society may be imposing upon them. In most cases, this clash against social labels is a necessary one, in that deep down everyone knows that their truest sense of self cannot be defined by any collective description.

We might note, here, that Moses was originally called the “Egyptian,” but after murdering the “Egyptian,” he flees into the desert not only to save his life, but to also rediscover his true identity. Indeed, the name Moses in Hebrew means “drawn from the water,” for as Israel’s greatest prophet he will soon be drawing his people out from the water of the Dead Sea in order to give them a new birth. So in the fallen world, most people end up adopting a posture of resistance out of necessity. But the downside of this is that as one matures from childhood into adulthood, this posture of resistance to others creates barriers to healthy relationships.

A genuine person, on the other hand, is someone who comes to a sense of self not in contradiction to others, but by living in a state of loving communion with other persons. For it is only through loving communion that a person is able to see himself or herself “reflected” back in relationships with other persons. Mothers and fathers who truly love their children raise them in a way that allows a child to discover who they are in this mystery of relational reflection. This is why parents are especially careful not to obstruct the growth of a child by forcing upon him/her their own ideas about who they think their child should be, but by allowing the child to slowly learn who he or she is by being loved. The same will be true in every healthy marriage: husbands and wives will come to a much deeper understanding of their unique identities by seeing themselves “reflected back” to each other in trust, openness, and most especially, by constructive criticism.

Loneliness, then, is a symptom (the most prominent symptom to be sure) of being cut off from loving relationships with other persons. Sometimes this is no one’s fault. Young single adults, widows and widowers are some (along with couples living in stale marriages) who tend to experience chronic loneliness. Yet this is not the end of the story. Because the fact-of-the-matter is that a great deal of the loneliness which is unique to 21st century America is self imposed. For if the “individual” fails to overcome his or her “posture of resistance” towards others, then it will be impossible to open oneself to a demonstrably loving relationship. Subsequently, these are the ones characterized as “serial lovers,” that is, as those who go through life with a string of failed relationships. They are unable to take the risk of being open to genuine love because they have not yet overcome their “me first” individualistic attitudes about life.

One final note must also be considered, which is that loneliness (a product of our fallen, human existence) must not be confused with solitude. In the gospels, we learn how our Lord made it a regular practice to take refuge in the wilderness so that by being alone and undisturbed by the noisy rush of the world, He could devote Himself wholly to prayer. By so doing, He shows us that there is a fundamental order to the experience of loving communion with others: first, one must achieve oneness with God, which then allows a person—by participating in the mystery of trinitarian love—to experience healthy, life-giving connections with other human beings through the self-sacrificial act of loving communion.

People today are starving for human connection. As Orthodox Christians, it is imperative that we share with others our experience of human connection as being icons of the communion of love that exists for all eternity between the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. “The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God the Father, and the communion of the Holy Spirit, BE with all of you!”

Fr. Paul Jannakos