Candidates For Church Leader
Subject: Candidates for Church Leader. The following is a
confidential report on several candidates being considered for our church leader.
Good man but problems with his wife. Also one reference
told of how his wife and he enjoy walking nude in the woods.
Former pastorate of 120 years with not even one convert.
Prone to unrealistic building projects.
Though the references reported wife-swapping, the facts
seem to show he never slept with another man's wife, but did offer to share his own
wife with another man.
A big thinker, but a braggart, believes in
dream-interpreting, and has a prison record.
A modest and meek man, but poor communicator, even
stuttering at times. Sometimes blows his stack and acts rashly. Some say he left an
earlier church over a murder charge.
The most promising leader of all until we discovered the
affair he had with his neighbor's wife.
Great preacher but our parsonage would never hold all
Prone to depression. Collapses under pressure.
Reported to have lived with a single widow while at his
A tender and loving pastor but our people could never
handle his wife's occupation.
Strong leader and seems to be anointed, but she is
Emotionally unstable, alarmist, negative, always
lamenting things, reported to have taken a long trip to bury his underwear on the
bank of a foreign river.
On the fringe? Claims to have seen angels in church.
Has trouble with his language.
Refused God's call into ministry until he was forced to
obey by getting swallowed up by a great fish. He told us the fish later spit him out
on the shore near here. We hung up.
Too backward and unpolished. With some seminary training he
might have promise, but has a hang-up against wealthy people might fit in better in a
Great credentials at current work place, but where
does this guy come from? No information on his resume about former work records. Every
line about parents was left blank and he refused to supply a birth date.
Says he is a Baptist, but definitely doesn't dress like
one. Has slept in the outdoors for months on end, has a weird diet, and provokes
Too blue collar. Has a bad temper - even has been known
to curse. Had a big run-in with Paul in Antioch. Aggressive, but a loose cannon.
Powerful CEO type leader and fascinating preacher.
However, short on tact, unforgiving with younger ministers, harsh and has been known to
preach all night.
James & John:
Package deal preacher & associate seemed good at
first, but found out they have an ego problem regarding other fellow workers and seating
positions. Threatened an entire town after an insult. Also known to try to discourage
workers who didn't follow along with them.
Too old . . . WAY too old!
Has had popular times, but once his church grew to 5000 he
managed to offend them all, and then this church dwindled down to twelve people.
Seldom stays in one place very long. And, of course, he's single.
His references are solid. A steady plodder.
Conservative. Good connections. Knows how to handle money. We're inviting him to
preach this Sunday. Possibilities here.