Bits And Pieces
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl
whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because
white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." The
child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom
wearing black?"
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A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running
as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran
she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please
don't let me be late!" While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and
fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed
herself off, and started running again. As she ran she once again began to pray,
"Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!"
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Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their
fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece
of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50."
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles
a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him
$100." The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad
scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And it
takes eight people to collect all the money!
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An elderly woman died last month. Having never
married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her
memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I
don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.
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A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What
would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"
He said, "Call for backup."
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Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus
with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: "They couldn't get
a baby sitter."
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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her
five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father
and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat
our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy
answered, "Thou shall not kill."
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At Sunday School they were teaching how God created
everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially
intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in
the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said,
"Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm
going to have a wife."
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Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong
preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this
Satan stuff?" The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned
out. It's probably just your dad."
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